Episode 8: The Art of Losing

Episode Summary

…Surrender to win. This episode is absolutely the most vulnerable to date. Mind over Matrimony, right? This one is all mind. On this episode, I share how I am processing when you lose an event – even if it was one that didn’t make sense to have – and how to do so gracefully, but also honestly. Mid-episode, you will hear what sounds like the end, but the candid discussions I was having with my producer after we wrapped felt like the truth that I wanted to share with you. Welcome to my live therapy session on today’s episode – hope it resonates.

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julianleaver.com | @julianleaver

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Full Episode Transcript

And welcome back to Mind Over Matrimony. We’re happy that you’re here and I’m happy to be here. Honestly, so many people have been asking about the podcast and what does it feel like to do a podcast and how does that help your business or impact your business? And the answer that I’ve really been giving is that it’s very cathartic to be here in this space.

We’ve just come out of this situation where someone called us to do a wedding with a very short turn. One couple wanted to get married within six weeks. And of these two couples, one of them I said, okay, let’s go. Let’s do this one. And the other one I said, no, we can’t do this one.

For the one we said yes to, we accelerated our normal timeline. It was a very large wedding that’s very complicated. Not in a ballroom, an actual tent build at a private residence. And in a weird way, the date fell so that a lot of people were available on that date because it was not a prime date.

And then yesterday I found out we’re not going, like definitively not going. And I just have this feeling of unwinding myself right now. When you gear up yourself and you gear up your team and you gear up your whole vendor group and you’re like, okay guys, buckle down. This is it. And then to have that release and be like, okay, they’re not moving forward.

We all go through this with different things in our lives, right? We all have these impossible deadlines that are put in front of us and sometimes we have the wherewithal to say no, and that’s not gonna serve me. Or we say yes because we think, okay, this is a cool challenge.

I lost to gain something else. The title is Surrender to Win. Because that’s the thing about AA—there’s all these weird contradictions. Surrender to win is the most weird of them all. You have to surrender your will to be able to then win at life. That’s a hard damn thing to do.

If you let go, you are like allowing for the possibilities of other things to come in that you didn’t even know existed. That’s part of the cool learning lesson of all of this is that you gear yourself up for what the fuck ever, and then it’s all of a sudden gone and then, okay, what’s next? And then the next thing presents itself. It always does. Every single time it shows up. And if I remove my will from the situation, then the rest of it shows up how it’s supposed to.

Figuring out how to lose gracefully is an art form. That’s the actual part of this job that we don’t talk about. We don’t wanna talk about the business that we lost or the business that slipped out of our fingers.

So thank you all for attending my therapy session, live on Mind Over Matrimony today because that’s basically what this is—working this out and feeling okay with it and feeling okay with being out of control. Said the wedding planner. It’s different, but this feels good and it feels right and I made the correct decision. It’s my truth today.