Episode 4: The Budget Transparency Episode

Episode Summary

Let’s talk about budget transparency in weddings. It’s one of the least clear and most misunderstood topics in the wedding industry right now, so we are going to handle it directly. In this episode, we break down: who really controls the process, how budgets actually work at the luxury and ultra-luxury level, where couples have the most power to make informed decisions and more. This episode is a roadmap to planning with clarity instead of chaos. Let’s get into it!

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Full Episode Transcript

Hello friends and welcome back to Mind Over Matrimony. I really want to talk about transparency and what that means in the wedding space. What does that mean for you as a couple? What does that mean for you as a creative partner? What does that mean for us as wedding planners?

There has been a lot of conversation happening on the blogs, on Instagram, on TikTok—celebrities calling out their wedding planners, wedding planners calling out their clients. There’s this very interesting conversation happening again and again.

The overarching topic is really about control. Who controls the process? Does the planner? Does the client? The honest answer is that everybody is in control. We’re all sitting in the driver’s seat at different moments in the process. It’s okay to not have an answer. “I don’t know” or “I don’t care about this” is 100% a valid answer.

Where I wanted to start is this conversation about budgets. What is a luxury budget, what is an ultra-luxury budget? We’re going to return to my good friend, data. We track at Julian Leaver Events the spend of every single person’s wedding over the course of a year.

In 2025, for weddings under a million dollars—we’ll call that luxury—average event count is two events: wedding reception/ceremony and one additional event. The median guest count is 188 guests. The average cost per guest is $2,343.12. That’s destination, local, international—all together.

In contrast, million-dollar plus weddings: average event count is around four events. Guest counts are higher—265 versus 173-ish. The average cost per guest is $5,915.74.

Where is the difference actually? The difference is in the number of events you’re throwing. Hosting people for dinner two nights versus four nights. The place where you have the most control and the most transparency in this entire process is honestly in your guest count because it’s the one thing that cascades all the way through down to the forks.

Two other interesting numbers: In floral, decor, and rentals, below a million dollars they’re spending around 25% in that category. Million plus, they’re spending 37%. Entertainment is 6% below a million, 9% above a million—more about experiences versus straight entertainment.

How do you do a budget that feels realistic? Our rubric: take the catering number—all food and beverage, venue fees, miscellaneous bartenders, valet, everything from your venue. If you are not building a tent, multiply that number times four. If you are building a tent, multiply it times five. That’s about where you’re going to end up.

There will be shifts based on your choices. “We care about photography more and videography less.” But that’s the math that works.

Where a lot of people have problems with transparency is they never rubber stamp this all together. You have to have all the stakeholders—Mom and Dad, other Mom and Dad, Couple—whoever is paying has to say, “Okay, this is great. We’re good to go.” Then we can move forward confidently.

You should have access to that budget. If you don’t, you need to ask for access right now. It’s not an unreasonable ask. It will feel like a warm hug.

What is the planner doing versus what are you doing? We’re responsible for basically anything that we cannot physically do for you. The best example: your guest list. It’s literally the one thing I cannot do for you because I don’t have all your friends’ phone numbers. You as a collective have to figure out who’s on this list.

Second place: attire. I can’t physically buy your wedding dress or tuxedo for you. Also asking your friends to be in your wedding party. I can’t ask your friends. It would be weird if your wedding planner rolled up and said, “You are Sally’s friend and she would love for you to be in her wedding.”

Where a lot of friction is happening is in contracting. There’s negotiating contracts and managing contracts. People think negotiation means a give and take about pricing, but the pricing is not really going to change. It costs what it costs. Like a Mercedes at the dealership—you’re maybe going to negotiate about the little add-ons, but the basic price is fixed.

The management of the contract lies squarely with the planner. It is 100% my job to manage your contract, ensure every single thing asked for has been delivered.

The bedrock of all of this is trust. People are always telling you exactly who they are. If they’re not answering your email quickly, if they’ve ghosted you, there are ways people indicate they won’t do what they said they would do. We feel that in our gut.

The most amazing compliment I’ve ever received was standing in Italy with a florist. The client had a very elaborate wedding in a tricky location. At the end of the party, he screamed over the loud DJ, “You guys, you just did what you said you were going to do.” And then he went off and partied. That’s the biggest compliment. We did exactly what we said we were going to do.

The bottom line: this should be fun. Planning a wedding is fun. If you’re having trouble with transparency, look at the few things you can control. Look at the information you’ve been given. If your gut is telling you something’s not quite right, listen to it, trust it, analyze it.