Episode 22: Rapid Fire Q + A For Our Couples

Episode Summary

Friends, let’s talk wedding planning in rapid-fire form. I’m answering questions about what to do first after getting engaged, how your timeline shapes your choices, and what to look for in a venue. We also get into guest lists, family dynamics, seating charts, first looks, and what a wedding party actually means to you. Along the way, I share a funny getting-ready moment in Spain, a challenging yacht situation, and the wedding moments that always make Francisco and me cry. And yes, we begin with Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce—prepare your wedding feeds accordingly.

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Full Episode Transcript

Welcome, friends, to the Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift era of wedding planning, where all we're going to receive on our feeds is everything that we can find about this wedding. And I'm excited about it. I'm happy for them. I'm thrilled. I can't wait to see what the album that comes out from all of this, but just be prepared that this is what we're about to see 24/7 on everyone's algorithm who's ever spoken the word wedding for the next year.

So what is the first thing that couples should do after they get engaged? Clearly, you should hire Julian Leaver Events. But what I actually think you should do is you should revel in the feeling of it. Because the feeling of that moment is unlike anything else. And it's going to be what propels you through this entire process that is really the first time you are about to do a group project with your parents. So buckle up and just feel all the feelings right now, because it's about to be a wild ride. Things that, like, freak me out when someone asks them, it's not really about design anymore, because those are the things we can do. But it's more about like logistical challenges, we need to put this yacht on this dock. But if this dock is if the tide is not exactly correct, and the boat doesn't arrive there at exactly the right time, then everybody has to go out in these little tiny rowboats, and it's going to take three extra hours. That gives me the heebie-jeebies. I can solve it, and we can fix it. And it all works out great in the end. But it definitely makes me go, are we going to get that done?

So what is the ideal timeline from engagement to actual wedding? The interesting thing about that, we had a mother of the bride tell us, it takes as much time to plan a wedding as it takes.

And so whether you have three months, 12 months, 18 months, that's how much time it's going to take. Now, what changes in all of that is your choices. If you come to us with three months, you're just going to give us your credit card, and we are going to make those choices for you.

You are maybe going to get to pick your songs, and your colors, and we're going to figure out the rest with what's available. If you come to us with 18 months, you have a lot more choices. You have all the choices, because people haven't really started talking about your seasons. You have every choice you could possibly make. It's just about how you want to make decisions.

The funniest getting ready moment that I've witnessed lately was actually just in Spain. And we were just having all of these problems with the dress. And it like had to clip up inside and the bride couldn't do it. And the dresser was helping us and really couldn't do it. And so Francisco literally crawled up inside the bride's dress and was like clipping all the little things. And there's this amazing photo of Francisco that Samm Blake took from the top down of the dresses here. And then Francisco's legs are just like splayed out. And it just makes me fucking laugh every single time.

What advice would I give you about finding a wedding venue? I think it's about the aesthetic, really, honestly, it comes down to that, because we want to find you a wedding venue that has good bones. That is maybe 90% of the way there, because we can get it the rest of the way there. But we don't want to spend dollars on hidden costs or what we call buried money that you cannot actually see. So pick a place that you love the look of, and then we'll figure out the rest.

So what if your family dynamic is not as pleasant as playing a game? What do you do? I think the thing there is about dividing the list in an equal and equitable manner. It's really important to take into consideration how people feel about the situation. And then you can judge your family dynamics based on that and make some decisions based on that. I think the most controversial place in guest lists is about who gets a plus one and who doesn't get a plus one. And a lot of that honestly comes down to who's paying.

The most creative seating chart challenge that I've ever had to solve is when people will not do their seating charts. Just like your guest list, friends, it's the one thing I can't do for you. And so this poor bride, she was so stressed out, and she was so busy. And she was like, I just, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it, Julian. So it's like, okay, I will do it. And then I literally went in and just seated all of the guests randomly because I have no idea who these people are. And she came back to me the next day and she was like, Julian, this is not going to work. And I was like, exactly. You need to do it. I need you to do it. It's just, please give me a couple of hours and you can do it.

So what are some fun tips for creating a guest list? Remember, it's the only thing I can't do for you because otherwise I would be inviting my friends to your wedding. So make it fun.

Make it interesting with your family, right? Have everybody write names down on a sheet of paper, make it a game, throw them all in a bucket, mix it all up and draw out the names, right? And see what happens and see how everybody reacts to that person being on the list. Come up with a rating system of some kind and or a star system and figure out how that all works. But the most important thing about making a guest list is remembering that if you are getting married in your hometown, around 80% of those people will come. If you are getting married in a destination wedding, 75% of those people will come. So make sure the number on your list correlates to the number at your venue.

So what about wedding trends?

Honestly, we don't really follow wedding trends, to be honest. I think what's really important for us is how you and your family want to entertain and we want to match that same dynamic. So that could be about experiences, that could be about food and beverage, that could be about decor, that could be about transportation. It could really be about the last 10 weddings that you all attended and you were like, we are absolutely not doing that.

And you have to remember that family made that decision because they went to another wedding and they said we are absolutely not doing that. And so all of your decisions and I think the trends are very just objective. We shouldn't call them trends, we should just really call them preferences. And so we want to read your preferences and figure out how to translate those.

Things that, like, freak me out when someone asks them, it's not really about design anymore because those are the things we can do. But it's more about like logistical challenges. We need to put this yacht on this dock. But if this dock is, if the tide is not exactly correct and the boat doesn't arrive there at exactly the right time, then everybody has to go out in these little tiny rowboats and it's going to take three extra hours. That gives me the heebie-jeebies. I can solve it and we can fix it and it all works out great in the end, but it definitely makes me go, are we going to get that done? When you get into the situation where you have to execute that plan B, we have prepared for it within an inch of its life. And we've always got more transportation or more whatever it is, the thing that we need, because ultimately putting a yacht at this little tiny port in Amalfi wasn't even possible because there were like 12-foot waves. And so we had to shift to an entirely different port and move everyone over there with an hour's notice. So you just have to always be prepared and really think through and be honest with the client about all the possibilities.

The moment during a wedding that always gives me goosebumps, actually, I would say there's two. One would be the father of the bride speech at the beginning of the reception. And then the second is usually the father-daughter dance. And I cry, I will look across the room at Francisco, he will be crying, which will make me cry more. And we're both just like an emotional little wreck. I try to be near him during those moments in a wedding because if we're closer to each other, we're not looking directly at each other, we cry less.

Do I believe in first looks? Absolutely, friends, I believe wholeheartedly in the first look. And I'm going to go on a little tangent about this, because we need to talk honestly and openly about what a first look is actually removing from the situation because the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding is so that he could not change his mind. And so we need to just remove that stigma, because you've clearly chosen each other. And a first look lets you join the cocktail hour. Why would you not want to do that?

So friends, let's talk about wedding party, because it's one of those things that I think is in this process of dying in the iteration that it has found itself currently. And I have literally been in three conversations this week about I don't want a wedding party. And then I will respond and say, What does that mean to you? I have two different scenarios. Does that mean they're not getting ready with you? They're not wearing similar dresses? They're not standing up with you? They're not going on a bachelorette with you? They're not being in a photo with you?

What does that mean? And I think we as an industry, you as couples, we all just need to have a conversation about what this looks like. The most clear definition of the no new wedding party situation I heard was actually today. And it said, they are not standing up with me. And they're not wearing the same dresses. All of the other traditions apply. Cool. Think through it. Let us know. We'd love to know the answer.

A The Media Socialites Production