Episode 18: What does it take to get on our vendor list?

Episode Summary

How do you get on a planner’s vendor list? Friends, there’s no magic bullet. In this episode, I talk about the trust that connects clients, planners, and vendors, and why consistent work and a genuine personality match matter so much. I share how an unexpected headshot session in Paris led to another opportunity, and how a chance conversation on an Italian beach eventually became a wedding in New York. Relationships take time, and you never know where a connection might lead. Keep showing up, doing the work, and staying focused on what’s right for the client.

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julianleaver.com | @julianleaver

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Full Episode Transcript

Hello friends, and welcome back to Mind over Matrimony. And today, today we're really just going to talk about vibe, right? I get the question all the time. How do we work together? How do we get to collaborate on a project? And honestly, that's a complicated question and I think it's one that planners get all the time and it's actually pretty hard for us to answer in a lot of ways. There's so many different factors that go into it, but for me, a lot of it is gut.

It's being in tune with where I see my business going. And is your business aligned with my business's values and the direction that it's headed. And really ultimately, it's not about me. Let's just get real, real honest. This is actually not about me. It is about the clients, really, full stop. My job is to facilitate what the client wants, what the client envisions, what you as the client have communicated to me, and then that you're going to trust that I'm going to put in front of you the right people. That is a lot of trust.

That is a huge responsibility. It also is about consistency and showing up and doing the work again and again and again so that I can trust that what you have promised you are going to do, you are going to deliver to my client because the client ultimately trust me and then I have to trust you. It's a trust chain basically. And there's a lot of different vendors, there's a lot of different options. There's a million different things flying at everyone all the time. And so I think all the planners

are feeling this in a lot of ways because unlike any other industry, this industry networks more often and more frequently and more aggressively than any other industry. If you're in real estate, you go to a convention maybe three times a year, maybe if you're lucky, right? In the wedding industry, every week there's some new events. And so we're always constantly in front of each other. And I think that's why that creates this situation of, oh, can we work together? Can we work together? Can we work together? Because I'm putting in the reps of seeing you at all of these things, right?

But for me, the seeing at all of these things is not the thing that's the most important. The work is the most important. And I think we as an industry need to get real straight about that real quickly. Because I am here to serve the client. That is why this business exists. That is why I get to put food on my table and the table of the team that works with me and my husband's table and then ultimately all the vendors that we get to work with in all of their teams. So this is based on the trust of the client, full stop.

And so beyond that, I am making the decision based on the trust of the client. There are a lot of options. How we sift through those options is a multifaceted process. It's about looking at the work. It's about have we worked together before? It's about did you show up and do the job that you said you were going to do? And then if it's a new relationship, is there something in your story? Is there something about your truth? Is there something about your work that is captivating and captures my interest so that I can show it to my client?

Is there going to be a relational personality match? Everything is a personality match in this business. I can't understand your personality through a DM on Instagram. Hey, that's cool. Let's start a conversation. Let's have a minute, right? I think the in-person interactions are better clearly because we get to see each other, we get to have a conversation, we get to figure out what makes each of us tick, right? For me personally, like me

personally, not speaking about any other planner, I don't love networking events, right? I do them because it is very necessary and it's good to be out there. But I would rather stand in the corner and have a coffee and have a small intimate chat. But also, I don't have that kind of time. We're doing a lot of events. There's a big team here. We, our focus is to service the client and deliver the best experience as possible for you, our client, full stop. And sifting through all the noise of all the different vendors and all the different categories is a lot. And I think there's no magic

bullet for how a vendor gets to work with a planner. I think a lot of it is organic. I think a lot of it is being in the same room as someone. I think a lot of it is some interesting commonality that happens. A lot of it is just being really honest and letting our barriers down and getting real with each other. Because on a wedding day, you

need to know someone's character to the core. Because you're going to maybe have to ask them to do something that was not planned or is totally out-of-the-box or didn't get accounted for in the 900 emails that we had to exchange beforehand. Right? Because things happen, events change, things get modified, and it's a high stakes game because it really only happens once. It's not like a corporate event that's happening year after year. This holiday party is happening the same time, the same way. This is your grandfather who's officiating this wedding, and you need to make sure that X, Y, and Z is exactly perfect because this is the moment.

So I don't know if there's a magic bullet answer here or there's a bow, as we like to say. I think it's just more about showing up and doing the work and staying focused. And then if we happen to bump into each other and there's a connection and there's a cool vibe and then something else or someone else introduces us in a way, or we have a common thread, then it makes more sense.

But weirdly weird stuff happens. OK, I'm going to give you an example of weird stuff happening this past Christmas. We were doing an event in Paris on New Year's, so we went to Paris early because in the French way, everything pretty much closes over that period of time. And so there will be weird little pockets where things are open and you need to be present in the space to be able to jump on when the vendor needs the answer, when they're open in this weird time. Because New Year's and Christmas is just a weird time to plan events and people are closed and not closed and you need to be ready.

So we're there in Paris and my sister came along, which is so fun because then we got to spend Christmas in Paris and it was so fun. A photographer saw that we were in Paris and reached out and said, hey, could we do some cool headshots? We've never had a chance to work together, but let's do this. It's not about the headshots. That's not what I'm trying to say here. OK, friends, it's not about that. It's about I saw you're here. That's really cool. I'm also here. Could we have a minute together to spend some time together? I can show you a little bit about how I work, how I pose people, how I do whatever, because that is actually helpful for me. Did I like the result of that? Right.

And then ultimately, weirdly, I'm planning an event in November in New York. And yesterday, I was just informed that that photographer is going to be doing that event because that's also not my choice. It's with this other media agency. And it's like, through the grapevine. But I was like, Oh my God, I love this. I know her, this is so cool. And we have this relationship and there's another touch point. And so let's see how those photos come out. And I love the photos that were from the headshots. And let's see how this

relationship goes. It's not a short term game, friends. We've been in this a long time. I've been doing this for 23 years. There's relationships that I've had for 23 years. So it takes time, it takes, it just takes effort, it takes showing up. Maybe when you don't want to show up. It's the same for me, right? I go to all of these networking things because I want to show up, because I want to support, because I want to be there for the people who are there for me. So there's no magic bullet,

there's no money involved in it, right? I've been very clear here. We don't take a commission. So it's not about us pushing someone because they've given us a better deal. It truly is about gut. It truly is about personality. And it truly is ultimately, as it should be for all of us, about the client.

So I hope to see you around. I hope to see you at an event. If something sparks, it sparks. If it moves beyond just a great friendship or relationship and into actually working together, that's amazing. But there's no way I can guarantee that. There's no way that any planner can guarantee that. We're just all trying to do our best. So keep doing your best, keep doing the work, and be strategic and come in with a plan.

A little aside at a conference could lead into something huge. You never know. I never know, the next piece of business could be from the person sitting at dinner next to me tonight. I have no idea. Right, another story and then we'll wrap it up.

We had just finished this series of weddings in Italy. We had done three back-to-back weddings with a weird wedding in Austin in the middle which is another story for another day. And we were going to go on vacation and Francisco and I last event had been in Capri on the Amalfi Coast. And Francisco and I, we're then going to travel through Italy together, which was great. And we started in Positano.

And our first day in Positano, we asked the concierge at the hotel. We said, OK, we want to go to a beach club, but we haven't booked anything because obviously we've been planning all these weddings. So we're like way behind the eight ball. And she said, Oh my God, I have the perfect place. It's great because you can go by boat. You're going to get the boat day that you wanted. And then you also get to go and sit by this beautiful beach and they have this incredible pizza and you need to just do this whole thing. So we go and we're sitting on

the beach and it's just lovely. And it's not very, it's not very loud because I think it was like in the middle of the week and it's not very crowded. And off the boat gets these two girls and Francisco turns to me. He's like, “Oh my God, it's Shakira.” And I said, you have lost your mind. It's not Shakira. It looks just like Shakira, but she is, it's not her because there's not an entourage. And she literally just got off the same boat that we got off of, right? So clearly it's not her. But good on you for thinking that, love.

And so they bring these two girls and they come and they sit down next to us and we just start chatting because it's just the two of them. It's just the two of us. And we're just having this lovely time and we're laughing and having fun and telling the stories of our Italy journeys. And they were on the end of their Italy journey and we were like in the beginning of ours and it was just lovely.

And one of the girls that looked like Shakira was getting married that summer and we were talking all about her wedding. And she was like, oh, I wish you could plan it. And then this is where it's at. And we had been there and we were talking all about it. And then we really never thought anything of it, right? Just you're cool. We're going to follow each other on Instagram.

Moving on. So full circle. Later that same year, she calls this girl, calls me, and she says, Oh, my God, Julian, I know this is kind of crazy, but the hotel where we were having our wedding in Mexico is closed because it was sinking, which is a whole nother story. But she said, we now have to pivot and we need to move our wedding to New York. And would you help me plan it? And so I said, of course, I'll help you plan it. Let's do it. And then off we went, right? And so then we planned for another year beyond that and executed her wedding. And we had the most amazing

time. So you just don't know. You just don't know is what I'm trying to say. You don't know who's sitting next to you. You don't know who is going to be the next person in your orbit. So you just have to seize the opportunity and be as real as you possibly can in that moment.

And the other, the thing about that also is that the other person also has to be in the same headspace. You can't be real and then have the other person be more closed off. If they're closed off, they're not in the space to make that connection work, right? Maybe they're busy, or maybe they're in their head, or maybe they're worried about X, Y, and Z. They're not in that place.

But when the time is right, the time is right. There's no, there's, there's no way to quantify that. But there you go, friends. That's the story and I'm sticking to it. Unclear, right? It's unclear. It just happens. It happens because it just happens.

So thank you for listening. Hope you gleaned something from that. Hit me up in the DMs if you have questions or don't hit me up in the DMs. Now let's just meet and see if there's a click and if it's right for the clients. It's right for the clients.

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